David Ortiz made his presence felt yesterday at spring training, enlightening Red Sox Nation on every issue from his wrist injury to Alex Rodriguez’s steroid use. He gave his opinions like he always does — in the most likable fashion imaginable.

Big Papi is at the stage in his career when he can say anything without rubbing fans the wrong way. A dozen postseason home runs will tend to do that for a player. A-Rod should be taking notes.

Big Papi calls for one-year suspensions.

My favorite Ortiz quote of the day: When addressing how major league baseball should handle steroid users, he said, “You do what you’ve got to do. Bang them for the whole year.”

Right on, Big Papi. Now get back to hitting monster home runs before our good will expires.

For every Big Papi, there are two or three A-Rods — guys who provide the same exact quote and get crucified for speaking out of turn. Let’s review a Dirty Dozen list of professional athletes who can do no right in the eyes of sports fans.

1. Alex Rodriguez — A-Rod may be the first professional athlete whose image actually improves after a steroid confession. He’ll probably feel a sense of relief now that he no longer has to portray a perfect image. Whether it’s the huge contract, the failure to perform in the clutch, the creepy extramarital affairs, or the recent steroid use, A-Rod will never be loved in baseball circles. At this point, he should just embrace the role of villain and start doing weird things like dating Madonna and slandering hard-working Sports Illustrated reporters. Wait …

2. David Tyree — The Giants receiver will always be synonymous with the Patriots’ 18-1 season. His fourth-quarter catch against his helmet set up the touchdown that proved to be the game-winner in Super Bowl XLII. Patriots fans can take solace in the fact that Tyree’s career hasn’t exactly been stellar. Since entering the league in 2003, he has only 650 receiving yards and four touchdowns. He also spent the 2008 season on injured reserve. But no, that doesn’t do much for your perfect season.

3. Johnny Damon — Forget about Damon’s decision to leave the Red Sox to join the Yankees. I find Damon so unlikable because he refuses to strengthen his noodle arm. His only possible excuse could be that he went to a Catholic school, and one of the nuns trained him to become right-handed by tying his left hand behind his back. That’s the only explanation for the 16-hoppers that have made life difficult on Derek Jeter for the last four years.

4. Vince Carter — What a waste of athleticism. Air Canada effectively angered an entire country when he refused to play for the Toronto Raptors three years after signing a 6-year, $94 million contract. He’s since been seen playing half-speed and moping around with the New Jersey Nets. Like any title-starved superstar, VC’s biggest career highlights have come in the Slam Dunk Contest. In the 2001 event, he declared, “It’s over,” after completing his third thunderous dunk, choosing to bypass his fourth attempt. Little did we know,”It’s over” meant he was done driving to the basket or competing with any semblance of a heart.

LaDainian prefers sunny days.

5. LaDainian Tomlinson — As hard as Lance Armstrong worked to equate the sport of cycling with toughness throughout his career, LaDainian has done twice as much damage to the sport over the past two seasons. When January rolls around, LaDainian would much prefer to cycle 15 miles rather than run for 100 yards. Patriots fans also really enjoyed LaDainian’s staged press conference after SpyGate when a Chargers beat reporter asked him for his thoughts. The fantasy football superstar paused dramatically before saying, “If you’re not cheatin’, you’re not trying.” Then he and the reporter laughed hysterically. The rest of us are still waiting for the punch line.

6. Bernard Pollard — Other than stealing the 2008 season from the Patriots, Pollard has a clean slate with New England sports fans. Who cares if Rodney Harrison’s mouth waters over hits like that?

7. Brett Favre — Just to summarize what we hope will be the last year of Favre’s career … He had a tearful retirement press conference in March after months of deliberation. A million fictional (Favre was the best of all-time) stories followed. Everyone ignored the fact that he’s been throwing two awful interceptions per game for the last five years. Then he came out of retirement just when the Packers were trying to rally around their new quarterback, Aaron Rodgers. He didn’t communicate with Rodgers once all season. The Packers tried to pay him to stay away from the facility. He ignored them. He was traded to the Jets. He continued to throw awful interceptions. No quarterback was worse in December. And now we have to go through another series of fictional Favre stories. Did anyone see Peter King’s latest story on Favre, in which the “gunslinger” doesn’t rule out coming out of retirement again? I’m all set with Favre for one lifetime, how about you?

No one's waving back, Barry.

8. Barry Bonds — I interviewed Bonds after covering a Red Sox game in 2007, and he was the opposite of warm and fuzzy. People asked questions, he smiled sarcastically, and answered condescendingly. Actually, I may be thinking about Bill Belichick. Either way, let’s pretend we’re starting a scavenger hunt. You have to find a Barry Bonds fan, and I have to find a single mother of 14 who recently had octuplets. I’d win.

9. Terrell Owens — In case you can’t tell from the weekly Friday segment (What Would T.O. Do?), I’m not a huge T.O. fan. He single-handedly ruined the 2005 Eagles season. In retrospect, pairing T.O. and Donovan McNabb is like asking Ron Artest to baby-sit your infant. Bad casting all the way around.

10. Michael Vick — Look, I’m not a huge animal lover. I eat meat. I don’t have pets. I’m not exactly a card-carrying member of P.E.T.A. That being said, I’m as concerned as the next guy that Vick’s approval rating will plummet after he spent his late 20s electrocuting dogs. Risky business, Michael.

11. Sasha Vujacic — I thought the name Sasha was reserved for figure skaters. Interesting. Anyway, his real name may actually be better than his nickname — The Machine. He literally earned that by showing zero personality and becoming a nuisance to opponents and teammates alike. Who wouldn’t kill for that hair, though?

12. Sean Avery — This professional hockey player has reportedly disparaged French-Canadians, African-Americans, and women during his NHL career. He earned a suspension by the league last December after saying another member of the NHL picked up his “sloppy seconds”. This sounds like the kind of rumor that gets started at Daisy Buchanan’s.

7 Comments for “The biggest villains in sports”

1. B Says:
   February 17th, 2009 at 9:21 am

   Heroes grow long hair to accompany the name Sasha; but legends make their 6 year-old son wear a Chargers helmet when he rides his bike around the neighborhood.

2. Clamjam Says:
   February 18th, 2009 at 5:37 pm

   Big Papi had better start hitting those home runs when his name comes up on the list of 104. It would not surprise me at all. His production was low on the Twins and has dropped precipitously since they started testing for steroids.

   Like it or not, steroids are part of the game.

   Also, at the risk of a boo-hiss, I’m a Barry Bonds fan. I think he took steroids though.

3. Mike Says:
   February 19th, 2009 at 6:41 am

   Good stuff, Dan!

   While the “sporting event that shall never be mentioned” still pains me, Tyree is way too high on the list. I say this as a diehard Pats fan. The guy made a great play, gotta give him credit.

   Damon and Vince Carter on the other hand, were great calls.

4. Danny Tormi Says:
   March 5th, 2009 at 6:53 am

   There is obviously a lot to know about this. I think you made some good points in Features also.

5. Dale Jim Says:
   March 18th, 2009 at 4:29 pm

   Good content, very valuable, thanks

6. Quick Facts Says:
   October 30th, 2010 at 5:35 am

   Best you should make changes to the webpage title Thanks for Playing » The biggest villains in sports to something more catching for your blog post you write. I enjoyed the blog post however.

7. red soz old timer Says:
   August 26th, 2011 at 11:50 pm

   You gotta make a special category for opponents that subsequently played poorly when traded or signed by Boston teams. These guys beat us when they played against us but choked when they later joined our team. Cases inpoint:
   Ramerio Mendoza, Yankee setup picther who beat Boston a dozen times, but later came here and blew lead after lead. I recall a fan next to me yelling “Go back to NewYork you choker”,

   Roland Sheldon: another yankeee starting picture that was always beating us but when he played here was a total flop.

   Luis Aparicio, SS for the White Sox who stole tons of bases and killed Boston in the 60′s and 70′s. He went 0 -47 when playing for the Red Sox and was here when the Red Sox blew a pennant while he was in his slump.

   I almost want to add Carl Crawford to this list, but I’ll wait for next season to see if he can get is ass and head right.

   On a different sport Hockey: Chris Nilan who tormented Bruins while a Canadiens player but would not fight for his team when he joined the Bruins. He is a complete fraud. If you see him in a clothing store keep an eye on him. He’s known to shoplift swimming suits.

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