It’s still a little early for me to present the individual hardware for the MLB season. Most of the awards should be fairly easy to sort out. Albert Pujols nearly won the Triple Crown (47 home runs, 137 RBIs, .328 batting average) in the National League, and his team won the Central. He’s the NL MVP. It gets a little more difficult in the American League, where it’s between Derek Jeter (.333 batting average, 17 home runs, 65 RBI, 106 runs, 30 stolen bases) and Joe Mauer (.371 batting average, .444 OBP, 28 home runs, 92 RBI, 88 runs). Mauer has produced more runs and played a more important position, but Jeter gets the nod if Minnesota misses the playoffs. So that will be determined later this week. The Cy Young Award should go to Tim Lincecum in the NL and Zack Greinke in the AL. Remember, the Cy Young winner is not the most valuable pitcher. It’s the best pitcher. Those two guys are the best in their respective leagues.

Rather than end today’s blog here, let’s take a minute to put together an All-Stink Team. I’m trying to fill out a roster with guys who fell drastically short of expectations this season.

Get comfortable with that 'C,' 'Tek.

Catcher: Geovany Soto, Cubs; Russell Martin, Dodgers; Jason Varitek, Red Sox

Explanation: We’re going with a three-catcher roster — only because three guys equally raised the bar for stinktitude. Reigning NL Rookie of the Year Geovany Soto followed up his breakout rookie campaign (.285 BA, 26 HR, 86 RBI) by hitting .219 with 11 home runs and 45 RBI. His Cubs trail the Cardinals by 6.5 games in the NL Central. All together: “ALL YOUR FAULT!” As for Russell Martin (.253, 6 HR, 53 RBI), his batting average dropped 27 points from a year ago, he scored 26 fewer runs, hit seven fewer home runs and had 25 fewer RBI. You’d almost think someone cut off his supply after Manny got caught earlier this season. Moving on, Varitek absolutely has to be on this team since he’s hitting .130 since the All-Star Break. You need guys like him for leadership. And he calls a great game. Screw it, he’s the captain.

First base: Chris Davis, Texas; Carlos Delgado, Mets; Jason Giambi, Rockies

Explanation: Davis probably shouldn’t be on a major league roster — let alone occupying a corner infield position for a team that was battling for a wild card berth. He’s hitting .227 (.276 OBP) with 148 strikeouts in 109 games. His 20 home runs and 54 RBI are keeping him in the bigs. That is, except for the time he got sent down to Triple A in July. But besides that, he had a super season. It’s a little unfair to put Delgado on this list since he only played in 26 games, but he’s a microcosm of a bigger issue for the Mets this season. He quit on the season. Here’s his latest injury update on Yahoo!: “Carlos Delgado has abandoned hopes of returning this season and has headed home, manager Jerry Manuel said.” Stay tuned for more “abandoned hopes.” This is a common theme for Mets players. Giambi hit an all-time low when he was released by the A’s earlier this month. He’s hitting .206 this season. Hopefully the thin air will help him restore his form from 2001.

Second base: Kaz Matsui, Astros

Explanation: There’s not a lot of competition here for the sheer fact that no team really expects much out of its second baseman. But the Astros expect less than most. Matsui had career lows in batting average (.252), runs (53), on-base percentage (.302), slugging percentage (.357) and stolen bases (19).

Shortstop: Jose Reyes, Mets; Rafael Furcal, Dodgers

Explanation: First we’ll start with Reyes — another Mets quitter. Here’s the latest update on the Mets shortstop: “Reyes was supposed to run full throttle Friday but was unable to do so due to personal reasons, the NY Daily News reports.” I hate when personal reasons get in the way of a few sprints in the outfield. There’s always next week, Jose. And finally, Furcal posted the following season in 600 at-bats: .267 batting average, .332 OBP, 9 HR, 10 SB. He also made 20 errors and had a fielding percentage of .967 — well below the league average of .975. If this team isn’t going to score runs, let’s make sure it gives up its fair share.

Reyes will run when he feels like it.

Third base: Chipper Jones, Atlanta

Explanation: It appears as if Chipper is going to break a 14-year streak of hitting 20 homers per season unless he hits two in the final six games. He has 18 homers and 70 RBI — both career lows for him. But at least he has a sense of humor about it. Following his 18th homer on Monday, he said: “I guess it’s a pretty good time to be rounding into form — 156 games in.”

Outfield: Magglio Ordonez, Detroit; Milton Bradley, Cubs; B.J. Upton, Rays; Alfonso Soriano, Cubs; Grady Sizemore, Cleveland

Explanation: We could almost round out the starting outfield with Cubs. That way, our outfield can stink all season and tear ACLs while throwing tantrums in late September. Bradley was horrendous (.257 batting average, 12 homers, 40 RBI) before he blamed the Cubs front office and fans for the team’s disappointing season. We need guys like that in the clubhouse. Soriano took his $20 million and hit .241 with 20 homers and 51 RBI. Ordonez started the season like David Ortiz from a power perspective and stuck with it all the way through September. He has seven homers and 42 RBI in 438 at-bats. B.J. Upton squashed many predictions for a breakout season by hitting .236 with 10 homers, 48 RBI and 71 runs scored. Finally, Grady Sizemore went from tallying 33 home runs, 90 RBI and 101 runs in 2008 to putting up the following line this season: .248 batting average, 18 homers, 64 RBI and 73 runs. Good luck deciding on three starters out of that bunch.

Designated hitter: David Ortiz, Red Sox; Hank Blalock, Rangers

Explanation: Ortiz actually has put up decent numbers (28 homers, 95 RBI) despite a horrendous April, May and June. Still, he’s hitting .238 and has been outed as a steroid user this season. Blalock is also hitting .238 with a bunch of home runs (25), but he only has 66 RBI and 61 runs scored. He’ll get the start because he’s proven he’ll wait until the bases are empty before he does any damage.

Starting pitchers: Cole Hamels, Phillies; Francisco Liriano, Twins; Ervin Santana, Angels; Scott Kazmir, Angels; Daisuke Matsuzaka, Red Sox; Chien-Ming Wang, Yankees

Explanation: We’re going to honor Daisuke’s wishes and go with a six-man rotation. Wang doesn’t mind that, either. Speaking of Wang, the man who started the year as the Yankees ace posted one win and a 9.64 ERA. Daisuke showed up to spring training out of shape, and then blamed the Red Sox for not allowing him to throw 250 pitches every three days. Cole Hamels went from unhittable in last year’s playoffs (4-0 in the postseason with an ERA under 2.00) to posting a 10-10 record with a 4.25 ERA. Kazmir was 8-7 with a 5.92 ERA in Tampa, before getting run out of town in a late-season move to the Angels. Liriano was billed as the next Johan Santana before he went 5-13 with a 5.88 ERA. Finally, Ervin Santana was 8-8 with a 5.10 ERA.

Relief pitchers: Brad Lidge, Phillies; Kerry Wood, Cleveland; Matt Lindstrom, Marlins; Manny Delcarmen, Red Sox

Explanation: Brad Lidge is the obvious choice for a closer, with 11 blown saves in 42 chances. His ERA of 7.38 reminds me of the price of a sandwich with a bag of chips. Wood blew six of his 26 save opportunities, posting a 4.33 ERA. Lindstrom is an ideal setup guy with a 5.89 ERA in 54 appearances. Delcarmen came on late, posting a 21.60 ERA in September. Who gets the ball in October? That’s up to our manager, Grady Little.

18 Comments for “Baseball’s All-Stink Team”

1. Quizno's Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 9:03 am

   The Brad Lidge Combo: Any small chicken sandwich, bag of potato chips, and a small fountain soda for $7.38 w/ tax. VAritek Size for another $1.30!

2. Dale Sams Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 9:25 am

   “Ortiz”

   Apparently being above average (101 OPS+) gets you on the all-stink team.

   Something stinks allright….this article for example.

3. Turbo Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 10:22 am

   Sams – what on earth are you talking about? Did you just read the name “Ortiz” and then submit a yout comment? Did you see the rest of that paragraph? He was in a slump for the better part of the season, outed for steroid use, and his BA is the 2nd lowest it’s been in his 12 year career – 2ND LOWEST – what part of stink don’t you understand. I don’t even follow baseball and I know that Ortiz is having an off year.

4. Bill Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 1:06 pm

   Turbo, but like the title of another article on EEI says: A bad year for Ortiz is a good year for some other players. There is no doubt Ortiz has not been as good as he has been in the past, but in the past he was an absolute beast. The best in the game. Just because he isn’t among the elite anymore doesn’t mean he isn’t a serviceable player.

5. Dale Sims' wife Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

   Is OPS+ what goes at the end of a card when you’ve already used 2 post-scripts? And why is David Ortiz so good at that? He wears sunglasses indoors.

6. Dale Sams Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 1:55 pm

   “Is OPS+ what goes at the end of a card when you’ve already used 2 post-scripts? And why is David Ortiz so good at that? He wears sunglasses indoors.”

   Honey get back in the kitchen and make me a turkey pot pie. And it’s Sams, not Sims.

7. chris Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

   what about vernon wells, the only blue jay not killing the ball the last two games and pretty much the whole season

8. Turbo Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 2:44 pm

   Bill, I completely agree. But, I don’t think anyone is arguing that he isn’t a serviceable player or perhaps even one of baseball’s best players of all time. That’s not the issue here. The fact is Dan compiled a list of the “all stink team” for this season and Ortiz though a great player in the past and most likely in the future is having a tough season and therefore a member of that “team.”

9. 3rd Grader Says:
   September 30th, 2009 at 3:00 pm

   Dell Sims –

   Read the entire article before you react like a 1st grader. I’m only in 3rd grade and I could pick out this excerpt from the beginning:

   “I’m trying to fill out a roster with guys who fell drastically short of expectations this season.”

   Therefore, Ortiz would make the team. And personally, he does stink. His RBI totals are distorted due to the fact that everyone who bats in front of him ACTUALLY gets on base. He fell short of expectations, just like you with these sophomoric blog posts.

   Now, go get me one of those turkey pot pies that you’re raving about.

10. TheGravy Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    30 dingers and 100 RBIs doesn’t stink. If anything, he’s had a 2008 Dice-K like year – you watch and you watch and you think man, he’s just not that good but when its all tallied at the end, you grab your turkey pot pie, wipe your nose and say “Good golly grief, he just put up an 18-2 record with a sub-3.0 ERA. Domo Aragato Mr. Robato, thank you for saving me just when I needed you.” But you’d be saying something more Dominican and you’d be inserting Ortiz’s approximate number’s into the sentence where you previously (2008) were remarking about Dice-K. So, he might look like he stinks, and he stunk for a good couple of months there, stunk really badly, but in fact he didn’t stink at all. You couldn’t even smell him in the elevator no matter how heightend your senses are having just dropped a tab of acid and eaten a mushroom and peanut butter sandwhich. Case closed.

11. TheGravy Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    “His RBI totals are distorted due to the fact that everyone who bats in front of him ACTUALLY gets on base.”

    Not to mention his HR totals are inflated because the pitcher keeps throwing the ball and the guy in the black ninja outfit gives him three chances. You forgot that one.

12. 3rd Grader Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I’m telling on you.

13. ron karp Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 3:43 pm

    Ortiz, good year?? His obp is .333. His ops is .800. His babip is .265. His krate is the highest it has been…ever at 24.3%. For a guy who doesn’t/can’t play the field and is a negative on the base paths, Ortiz needs better production to be a positive in the lineup

14. TheGravy's Wiffleball Teammate Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    You’re impressed with Ortiz’s .238 Batting Average because you’ve been killing us all Summer with your .185 average. And you power numbers make Peak’s Island in Maine look like the Polo Grounds. Just cause you had career lows in every hitting and pitching category on the wiffle diamond all year doesn’t mean you have to let Ortiz get away with it.

    Also, I think it’d benefit both of you to lose 10 pounds before next year. Then when you’re off to a terrible start, teammates like me can say, “At least this year he showed up in shape.”

15. TheGravy Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    No one is saying Ortiz had a good year. Just that he didn’t stink. But lets take a quick looky at what he had to contend with: recent wrist surgery, a balky knee, he’s off the juice, no Manny Ramirez (while on the juice, potentially) hitting behind him.

    He went through an inexcuseable slump but has produced since then even with all the issues I just briefly outlined. He had an off year but it wasn’t a bad year in totality. Again, like Dice-K last year, looks bad from day to day but after the summer it looks good. Strange, all in all. Plus, he wasn’t doing this from the 3 hole but farther down in the line-up with presumably less opportunities to do damage.

    The same people who were calling for his head and designation earlier in the year are the same ones who are saying that he stunk up the joint (30 dingers, 100rbis) they’ve just recalibrated their criticism.

    And as for my Teammate: I’ve never had a teammate. You’re either against me or fortunate enough to NOT be against me. I’m out there for one thing: His Royal Gravyness, himself.

    Teammate?! Pah! There is no “team” in Gravy.

16. Dale Sams Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    “There is no “team” in Gravy”

    But there is ‘tea’ in thegravy.

17. steve Says:
    September 30th, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    Has anybody worked the numbers on David Ortiz since Manny left? Without his good buddy, and comic relief, in the dugout, Big Papi hasn’t been the same. Neither has the rest of the team, for that matter.

18. Baseball Picks Says:
    October 3rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    He went through an inexcuseable slump but has produced since then even with all the issues I just briefly outlined. He had an off year but it wasn’t a bad year in totality. Again, like Dice-K last year, looks bad from day to day but after the summer it looks good. Strange, all in all. Plus, he wasn’t doing this from the 3 hole but farther down in the line-up with presumably less opportunities to do damage.

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