Since I started writing the blog almost a year ago, I’ve gone back and forth on the best way to cover Monday Night Football. I’ve tried watching the game and writing until 2 a.m. I’ve tried setting the alarm for 6 a.m. and writing the next morning. Since neither of those options make me a very productive employee on Tuesdays, I’m trying something new for the Saints-Paints game. How about a running diary of the proceedings as they happen?

How did you get caught in this embrace, Bill? (AP)

8:30 p.m. I’m getting set up for what should be a shootout in New Orleans, and the Saints have elected to receive the opening kick. Based on every prediction I’ve read leading up to the game, the final score will be something in the vicinity of 48-45. Of course, that usually means we’re in for a 6-3 slopfest. And while I’m processing that thought, Drew Brees connects with Devery Henderson for a 30-yard pass down the left sideline. So much for 6-3. It looks like Patriots corner Leigh Bodden will be Brees’ primary target this evening.

8:40 p.m. The Saints are already in field position, and coach Sean Payton called a Pierre Thomas sweep on third-and-4. On fourth-and-1 from the Patriots’ 13-yard-line, Payton opts for John Carney to kick a 30-yard field goal. It appears as if Payton has not consulted the Bill Belichick manual for fourth-down conversion rates. Carney doinks his kick off the left upright before it falls in for three points. In relevant news, Carney will turn 46 in April.

8:45 p.m. The Patriots start off their first offensive drive with a running play, and Laurence Maroney picks up a relatively easy 20 yards. Two plays later, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has Randy Moss open near the end zone, but he hits Wes Welker on a check-down. On third-and-1, Brady attempts a pass to Moss over the middle, but the low pass falls incomplete before Moss has his legs cut out by Saints safety Darren Sharper. I’d like to say Moss gave his best effort despite the errant throw, but I’d have an easier time believing Tiger Woods’ wife smashed his passenger side, rear window in an effort to rescue her husband at 2:30 in the morning.

8:46 p.m. We’re 16 minutes into the game, and Belichick has decided to go for it on fourth down for the first time. Sammy Morris converts on fourth-and-1 by bursting through the line for a 2-yard gain. Nice to have you back, Sammy.

8:50 p.m. We’re 20 minutes into the game, and Belichick has opted to go for it on fourth down for the second time. This time, on fourth-and-1 from the Saints’ 4-yard-line, Maroney cuts through the line for a 4-yard touchdown run. Patriots 7, Saints 3. Belichick’s message is clear: kickers and punters are losers.

9:00 p.m. The Patriots force a punt on the Saints’ next offensive possession, and Welker returns it 42 yards to the Saints’ 41. On the first play from scrimmage, Brady is picked off by Saints cornerback Mike McKenzie. It’s easy to understand why Brady might have been confused about McKenzie’s tendencies in coverage since McKenzie just signed with the Saints last week. Either way, the momentum has shifted in a hurry after the Patriots were primed to take a 14-3 lead.

9:15 p.m. After a 45-yard run by Saints running back Pierre Thomas, Mike Tirico informs us that Reggie Bush is inactive for tonight’s game. Not sure if that’s good news or not for the Patriots. Minutes later, Payton takes a page out of Belichick’s book and goes for it on fourth-and-1 from the Patriots’ 21. The Saints pick up the first down. The kickers might as well head to the locker room right now. Gostkowski and Carney will not be needed. Thomas caps the drive by taking a swing pass 21 yards for a touchdown. Hello, shootout.

9:30 p.m. After a Patriots’ stalled drive, the Saints take possession at their own 25. Brees hits Henderson for a 75-yard touchdown pass. There didn’t appear to be a Patriot within 30 yards of Henderson as he crossed the goal line. Either someone in the secondary blew an assignment, or the safeties have decided to join the kickers for a game of pinnacle.

9:45 p.m. With about five minutes remaining in the first half, my wife makes her first appearance for a score update. “It’s 10 to 17,” she says. She then mutes the volume and makes a phone call in the same room. At the end of the call, Brees connects with Robert Meachem for another touchdown pass. Confused, my wife says, “Has it been a good game, or has it just been sloppy?” Ron Jaworski answers her question by declaring, “Sean Payton is having his way with the Patriots. They don’t know what’s coming!” I have a tough time selling “sloppy” when Brees is throwing every pass between his receivers’ numbers.

10 p.m. It’s difficult to pinpoint the weak link in the Patriots secondary since each player has taken a turn giving up a deep pass. Jon Gruden informs us that the Saints have accumulated 290 yards of offense in the first half. It’s time to see if I have any beer in the fridge. Nope. Saints 24, Patriots 10.

10:15 p.m. During the halftime show, hosted by Chris Berman, ESPN shows highlights of a Canadian Football League game. As is his custom, Berman starts spouting off the highlights in French. My wife is as confused as I am. “Are they showing Canadian football? Why?” she asks. I tell her Berman needs to make sure all of us to know he can speak French. “That’s cool,” she says.

10:30 p.m. Laurence Maroney starts the second half with his weekly fumble. Saints defensive end Sedrick Ellis picks up the ball, stumbles around for a few seconds and fumbles it back to the Patriots. Brady finally connects on a deep ball to Moss inside the Saints’ 10-yard-line. Maroney caps the drive with a 6-yard touchdown run. Saints 24, Patriots 17. Maroney has been the Patriots’ best player with the exception of the time when he gave the ball to the other team.

10:40 p.m. Ouch. The Patriots are really struggling with passes that travel more than five yards in the air. Brees connects on a 69-yard catch-and-run to Marques Colston. Jonathan Wilhite is becoming a consistent target for Brees’ deep balls. To add salt to the wound, Brees connects with a guy we’ve never heard of, Darnell Dinkins, for a short touchdown pass. Belichick seems uncomfortable. I’m guessing no one in the Patriots secondary will get a game ball. Saints 31, Patriots 17.

10:40-11 p.m. The teams trade crappy offensive possessions, and it looks like the Patriots have wasted their window of opportunity to tighten the score. Sure enough, Brees puts a stop to the “sloppy” play with a 20-yard touchdown pass to Colston. Why do all of the Saints receivers look like they came out of the womb prepared to catch tight spirals? After the most recent touchdown, Tirico screams, “Gimme five!” Apparently, Brees is the first quarterback ever to throw five touchdown passes against a Belichick-coached team. Saints 38, Patriots 17.

11:15 p.m. Brady throws another interception. At this point, it looks like he’s trying to find the fastest way off the field. ESPN flashes Brady’s stat line. He’s 21 for 36 for 237 yards and two interceptions. Somewhere, JaMarcus Russell sits up in his seat and says, “Hey, that’s supposed to be my stat line!”

11:30 p.m. After a botched field goal attempt by Carney, Belichick calls on Brian Hoyer to take the final snaps. The cameras show the Pats coach lecturing Brady as he stands stoically. Somewhere, Drew Bledsoe sits up in his seat and says, ”Hey, that’s supposed to be my lecture!”

11:45 p.m. The 38-17 loss drops the Patriots to 0-4 on the road. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the Patriots will get in the win column next week at Miami. In fact, remind me to bet on that game.

11:50 p.m. Belichick interrupts Suzy Kolber’s interview with Drew Brees to congratulate the quarterback on a job well done. What’s this? I like it better when Belichick blows off everybody on his way off the field. What happened to the guy who leaves the field with four seconds remaining? I miss that guy. We should never have to watch Belichick linger on the field, congratulating other undefeated teams. Either way, it’s time to sleep this off.

9 Comments for “Diary of the Monday Night Showdown”

1. Favre Superfan! Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 9:01 am

   Good question:
   “Why do all of the Saints receivers look like they came out of the womb prepared to catch tight spirals?”

   Better question: How did Brett Favre start throwing tight spirals in the womb? He once threw his milk bottle through 3 rooms of his house and broke a mirror. Would it be bad luck? The Favre family simply shrugged and laughed as it was clear Brett was just having fun. Just like that, an icon was born.

2. UP Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 10:07 am

   Why would you let your wife touch the remote?
   What is wrong with you! Dan.

3. KD Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am

   9:30 PM: Sleep is more important.

   6:30 AM: Glad I slept through that one. Pats have same record as Eagles. Eagles stink. Do the math. (worrying about Gravy’s sly remark about how I don’t know anything about sports)

   7:00 AM: Can’t wait to read what Favre Superfan! has to say about the game last night.

   8:00 AM: Waiting

   9:02 AM: Satisfied.

4. TheGravy Says:
   December 1st, 2009 at 10:59 am

   Well played, KD, encyclopedic-wealth-of-sports-knowledge-savantism.

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