It’s September 1. It’s cold. Overnight temperatures dropped into the 50s. Schools opened all over Massachusetts this week. The summer is officially over. If you’re like me, you’re in a bad mood. And how do we break out of our collective funk? Of course, we air all of our grievances in a Most Wanted List.

These people have made jerks of themselves in the last week.

Unselishness recognizing unselfishness

1. Donovan McNabb: Now that it’s football season, McNabb will find himself on this list more times than not. He drives Eagles fans crazy. Why? Because he’s an awful teammate. Some say McNabb is guarded with the media because he doesn’t want to reveal his personality to the public. My theory is he has no personality. Here’s the latest on McNabb. It took all of one quarter of a preseason game before McNabb turned on the Michael Vick experiment. In last week’s preseason game against the Jaguars, Eagles coach Andy Reid inserted Vick on almost every second down during the first half. The shuffling of quarterbacks seemed to stall the offense, as McNabb struggled to sustain drives when he was running to and from the sidelines. By the start of the second quarter, McNabb had stopped pretending he was psyched about a two-quarterback scheme, urging offensive coordinator Marty Morhinweg to discontinue inserting Vick into the game. During one drive, after a Vick passing attempt, a camera showed McNabb flashing the cut-throat signal to Morhinweg, as if to say, “Stop putting Vick in the game.” Just a reminder, McNabb’s the same guy who texted Andy Reid, “Sign him,” the day Vick was reinstated by Roger Goodell. And how do we know this? Because McNabb told us after the Vick signing when he was running his, “I’m a great teammate,” campaign.

2. Brandon Marshall: The Denver Broncos wide receiver was suspended for the remainder of the preseason by coach Josh McDaniels for moping his way through a workout last week. Marshall is in the middle of a contract dispute, and the team has refused to grant his trade request. In one single practice, Marshall was caught on camera sitting on his helmet during stretching drills. He walked from one station to the next while the rest of his teammates ran. He ran a go-route, and instead of handing the ball to the ball boy, he punted it as far as he could. That behavior is a disgrace, Brandon. Show some maturity. If you want a new contract, play like a champion. And either I truly believe everything I just wrote, or I’m secretly hoping Marshall slides to me in my fantasy football draft.

3. Rick Reilly: What happened to this guy? He used to be the best sports writer in the world, and now he’s so over-the-top, it’s difficult to get through an entire story. Check out his latest column for ESPN. He writes about tennis sisters Venus and Serena Williams, who he feels are ignored because of the color of their skin. It appears as if Reilly wrote this column 10 minutes after he finished the movie, “A Time To Kill,” and was truly inspired by Matthew McConaughey’s speech in which he started by asking the jurors to close their eyes, and finished with, “I want you to picture that girl. Now imagine she’s white.”  Here’s Reilly’s lead: “What if I told you about two white brothers from a trailer park on the tattooed side of the tracks? Their father decides — against all logic — to teach them a rich man’s sport, golf, even though he’s a complete chop himself. They become great on the weedy public courses, turn pro and dominate the sport. Just wipe the Tour up. Golf harrumphs in disbelief … Well change their color to black, their sex to female, and their sport to tennis, and you have the Williams sisters …”

How embarassing for these fans?

4. Shawn Andrews: The Eagles right tackle, who is widely recognized as one of the biggest offensive weapons among NFL lineman, doesn’t appear to want to play football. Last season, Andrews reported to training camp and self-diagnosed himself as “depressed”. The Eagles sent him to a specialist, who didn’t appear to share the same diagnosis. Then, Andrews diagnosed himself with a back injury that essentially kept him out for the entire season. The Eagles never placed him on injured reserve, figuring he’d return at some point. Unfortunately, with muscle-related back injuries, only the “injured” player can give the OK to return to the practice field. Recognizing that much of running portion of the Eagles’ playbook is built around plays designed to follow Andrews, Andy Reid attempted to surround him with his family and friends this offseason, signing former college roommate Jason Peters to play left tackle, and Shawn’s brother, Stacey Andrews, to play next to him at right guard. Well, it appears as if Shawn still doesn’t want to play this year. He “reinjured” his back during the first practice of the preseason, and missed the first month of workouts. He returned to the field on Monday, in part because he aired this stupid music video on YouTube, and the Eagles decided, if he’s healthy enough to produce crappy videos, he’s healthy enough to play football.

5. The Commissioner of My Fantasy Football League: Everyone knows the commissioner of a fantasy football league is the most thankless responsibility you could ever assume. I have a knee-jerk reaction to any e-mail from the commissioner, in which I complain about his new rule/update. If the money’s not ready the minute the season ends, it’s the commissioner’s fault even if half the people haven’t paid yet. All of the work he puts in is irrelevant. He needs to do a better job. This week’s bad news from the commissioner: I have the No. 7 pick in a 12-person draft. I immediately responded by telling him I’ve never drawn the No. 1 pick in 10 years. He must be cheating. Then I sent a follow-up e-mail to let him know I would’ve preferred the No. 12 pick so I wouldn’t have felt so bad about straying from the standard running back pick. At No. 7, it’s too early to take a receiver or quarterback, so I’m locked in to a second-tier running back. And it’s all my commissioner’s fault.

6. People Who Say Things Like, “No Wearing White After Labor Day,”: So not only will it be 40 degrees in Boston next week, but you want me to stick half of my clothes in a tupperware container and store it in my attic. I’ve got news for you. I don’t have an attic, I don’t have a Tupperware storage container, and I’m not discarding my white clothes for the winter. If you’re looking for me at a Patriots game this season, I’ll be the one with the stonewashed jeans, white long-sleeve T-shirt, and white sneakers. I bet the last thing you’ll be accusing me of is violating a fashion faux pas.

7 Comments for “Fashion critics make Most Wanted List”

1. Favre Superfan! Says:
   September 1st, 2009 at 8:50 am

   I hope those stone washed jeans are Wrangler! Unstoppable last night. SUPER BOWL MVP!!!

2. Shawn Andrews Says:
   September 1st, 2009 at 9:21 am

   I was about to freestyle for you but…I forgot how to speak English [along with playing football, but that goes without saying]. Get my Michael Phelps on…my Michael Phelps…get my Michael Phelps on…my Michael Phelps.

3. Thanks for Playing Says:
   September 1st, 2009 at 10:43 am

   I want you to get dressed. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror. Now close your eyes and imagine those jeans are stone-washed.

4. AC Slater Says:
   September 1st, 2009 at 11:43 am

   Didn’t you mean to write “acid-washed jeans”. Don’t you have any fashion sense, Preppy?

   Got to go… Jessie Spano just took too many caffeine pills and she has to perform “I’m so excited” in an hour!

5. NC Says:
   September 1st, 2009 at 12:03 pm

   When was Rick Reilly the best sportswriter in the world? Have you been getting your Michael Phelps on?

6. PRAVAR Says:
   October 10th, 2009 at 8:18 am

   Wow you are so smart ! very good work !!

7. Fashion Designer Rick Says:
   December 8th, 2009 at 5:53 am

   Hello I discovered your webpage by accident, I was searching the net for Designer Fashion when I came upon your blog, I must say your webpage is really interesting I just love the layout, its astounding!. I’m in a bit of a rush at the moment to completely browse your webpage but I have favorited it and also subscribed for your RSS feeds. I will be back in a day or two. Thanks for a great webpage.

Leave a Reply