Patriots quarterback Tom Brady held a conference call with London reporters yesterday afternoon in anticipation of Sunday’s game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Wembley Stadium. The British reporters demonstrated their familiarity with NFL football by asking questions such as, “How does your helmet fit on your head?” Well, they didn’t ask that exact question, but they might have if they were allotted a few more minutes.

"What was the question?"

Like a good Patriot, Brady humored the reporters, sharing his standard answers that we’ve all heard a million times before. If you ask me, this would have been a perfect time for Brady to demonstrate his sense of humor. Why not have some fun with the Brits on an otherwise slow Tuesday afternoon? Since Brady didn’t appear to have any fun with the process, I will. Here are my answers to the questions from the Brits.

Can you give us your general thoughts of the game in London and what it means to you and your team to be coming over to London?

Sure, it means we’ll be spending five or six hours on a plane each way. It means we’ll be eating crappy food and staring at people with crooked teeth. It means we’ll be making fun of British accents for the next week or two. I just hope someone sets aside some tea and crumpets for the trip home, my good blokes.

Will you be conscious that this is a different audience on an international stage?

I will once the crowd starts chanting during the national anthem. It will become more apparent when the first standing ovation comes after a 50-yard punt. I think I’ll realize it’s a British crowd when they scream, “GOAL!” after each field goal and extra point. And it will become especially apparent when they’re still drinking whiskey in their seats four hours after the game is over.

How do you prepare to go across the Atlantic with the time change?

We’ll load up the Santa Maria and mind the team sun dial to make sure it’s fully functional.

Has Robert Kraft put any extra pressure on you to impress the locals?

Robert Kraft hasn’t done anything of the sort, and neither has William Belichick.

What does this comeback mean to you? The beginning of the year hasn’t been going well, you’ve been a little bit rusty and last week you had this startling performance. Is it a personal challenge for you to make a comeback?

I couldn’t have been more startled by last week’s performance. That was a landslide of epic proportions. Comparing my early season performance with my performance last week is like chalk and cheese. And to answer your question, this is strictly personal for me. No athlete has ever returned from a torn ACL. I want to show the world, and more importantly London, that I can be the first.

Do you think the team is playing as well as you were in the Super Bowl season, when you went 18-0 and then lost to the Giants?

Oh, that 18-0 season. I wasn’t sure which one you were talking about. Yes, we are playing that well, except we’re 4-2 instead of 6-0.

How would you describe your season so far?

Randy.

Can you pick out one moment when you were growing up that inspired you to become an American football player?

I was going to be a European football player until I looked at a map and realized I lived in America.

Is there danger that you underestimate the Buccaneers because they haven’t won a game yet this year?

I’m not sure if you folks are familiar with the story of the Revolutionary War, but in that instance, the Redcoats took the Yanks lightly at the Boston Massacre, and independence ensued.

There is a little bit more hype than usual because of the venue this week. Can you throw us some parallels between this and your experience in the Super Bowl?

Sure, in the Super Bowl, we’ve always played in front of fans who knew what they were watching. And we usually play against teams that have won at least one game. Besides that, this will be my own personal Super Bowl.

Can you tell us about your previous experiences in London?

It rained.

I know you have a little bit of Irish blood in you, and I was wondering if you’ve researched your ancestry in Ireland at all?

Gisele and I have been extremely busy updating my family tree. It’s fascinating.

Game preparation is one thing, how concerned are you about the aftermath? I know you have the bye week coming after this game. But going forward, are you worried at all the travel and the hype might take a toll for a few weeks?

Are you folks aware that a flight from Boston to the West Coast takes six hours? Last year, we played road games against San Diego, Oakland, Seattle and San Francisco.

Do you have any specific concerns with your knee on the field at Wembley? A few years ago, when the Giants and Dolphins played, the field cooked up a little bit.

I’m not sure if you guys caught our game last weekend, but when we played the Titans in Foxboro, the field froze up a little bit.

Some people say you are the best quarterback to ever play the game. Do you have an ambition to put that argument to bed and prove that?

I will not talk about who I’m putting to bed.

You talked about the concept that New England is a big part of your success. But is it ever awkward for you to get the attention as the quarterback and the Pro Bowl leader of this team? Do you ever want to just be one of the guys in terms of the media coverage and things like that?

Yes, and that’s why I married a supermodel and started doing commercials for Gap and Stetson.

5 Comments for “Fun with Brady and the British media”

1. William Shatner's Dirty Undies Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 12:10 pm

   Why Daniel, you scamp, you had me doing a boisterous guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.

   Ta-ta and cherrio, time to go give my wife’s bushy bush a little bit of the old inandout in a strictly missionary position with the lights off and my eyes closed.

2. Simon Buckingham Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 1:35 pm

   I’m never reading your bloody blog again, and Shatner’s Dirty Undies is most likely going to hell for that last comment. GO MANCHESTER UNITED!!

3. Primo Deano Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 3:27 pm

   HAHAAAAAA.

4. just a bloke Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 4:48 pm

   Bunch of Muppet’s – wankers really!!

5. William Shatner's Dirty Undies Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 5:13 pm

   bullocks to you (reverse peace sign)

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