There’s plenty of bad news for New England sports fans to sift through these days. It’s mid-October, and neither the Red Sox or Patriots have won a game in the last nine days. Even the most optimistic local fans are starting to wonder when the next championship parade will be passing through Boston. You’ll have to forgive fans outside of Boston if they don’t share your feeling of doom and gloom after Black Sunday in New England. A day that included watching your baseball team’s season come to an end after a 93-win season, and coming to the realization that your football team might only win 11 games would be labeled ‘Dream Sunday’ in some other cities. And since misery loves company, and no one wants to read another eulogy about the Sox or Patriots, why don’t I make a list of sports cities in worse shape than Boston right now?

Forget this moment.

1. Detroit: If you’re upset about the Sox’ early exit, look at it this way. At least they didn’t blow what was a seven-game division lead on September 6 and fail to make the playoffs. That happened to the Tigers, who also had their best offensive player get wasted and cause a domestic disturbance at 6 a.m. on the morning of the most important game of the season. Tough team to cheer for. On the other hand, Pistons fans are trying to talk themselves into being excited about the return of Ben Wallace, which would be comparable to Celtics fans flooding the ticket office after the team resigned Alaa Abdelnaby. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Detroit isn’t exactly ‘Vacationland’ at the moment.

2. Cleveland: The city’s baseball team purged itself at the trade deadline, and the fans had to watch Victor Martinez become the most consistent hitter for the Red Sox down the stretch. To make matters worse, Phillies fans really enjoyed the two games Cliff Lee started in the NLDS — both of which resulted in victories. The Cleveland Browns just traded away their most talented player last week before watching that player, Braylon Edwards, catch a touchdown pass for the Jets last night. And in the ultimate kick in the junk, Lebron James will be breaking the heart of millions of Cleveland fans at the end of the season when he takes his act to a team that isn’t saddled with Shaquille O’Neal’s massive contract.

3. Atlanta: Baseball fans in Atlanta are so depleted after consistently falling short of a title in the 1990s and early 21st century that they don’t even want the team to return to the postseason. They spend the offseason worrying about whether Bobby Cox and Chipper Jones are returning rather than whether they’ll sign a big-name free agent. The Falcons have a cumulative franchise record of 275-399-6. And Hawks fans are resigned to saying things like, “If Kobe Bryant, Paul Pierce, Lebron James, Kevin Garnett, Dwight Howard and Tim Duncan get hurt this year, we might have a chance.”

4. New York: Of course every New York sports fan is currently claiming the Yankees, Giants, Rangers and whatever team signs Lebron next offseason. It must be difficult to switch teams every offseason. Anyway, if I went to one single Mets game over the last three years, I’d have to rule out the entire year as a bad sports year. Watch your heads, New York fans. The Jets are plummeting back to Earth. And one of the more intriguing aspects of this postseason will be watching Yankees fans celebrate every big A-Rod hit in the postseason. There’s a crowd of Yankees fans standing in front of a TV. There’s an A-Rod homer to left. There’s a bunch of Yankees fan with awkward smiles on their faces. They slowly clap and exchange half-hearted high-fives as A-Rod circles around the bases. “I’ve always liked him,” says a lying Yankees fan.

5. Los Angeles: Putting L.A. on this list might be a stretch considering the Dodgers are still playing, and the Lakers are the defending NBA champs. But remember: Most Los Angeles fans are also fans of the Raiders since they once played in L.A. Also keep in mind most L.A. sports fans show up late for games, chat with each other throughout the biggest moments of the games and then leave early, and I’d rather be a sports fan in Boston. Yes, I’d prefer to cheer for another cold, rainy day than Kobe Bryant.

6. Chicago: Imagine a swarm of Chicago middle-schoolers who asked their parents to remove their Michael Jordan posters from their bedroom walls so they could replace it with action shots of Joakim Noah. Imagine having to explain to your middle-schooler why Milton Bradley thinks he’s a terrible fan. Imagine taking your middle-schooler to a White Sox game and having to worry that he’ll get hit with a broken beer bottle.

7. St. Louis: Why are the sports fans in this city so happy? I think these folks take a little too much pride in being “the best sports fans in professional sports.” Matt Holliday literally cost the Cardinals their season in Game 2 of the NLDS series against the Dodgers. He dropped a routine fly ball. The next day, he received a standing ovation from St. Louis fans during his first at bat. This guy’s a half-season rental player who will very likely sign with another team this offseason. And these fans are showering him with positive vibes. Here’s a newsflash. If I’m driving home from work today, and someone side-swipes me at a busy intersection, I’m not going to stand by their car and give them a standing ovation once their engine turns over.

8. Dallas: I don’t care if Dallas doesn’t have a baseball team. Any city that is locked in to having Tony Romo lead your football team for the unforeseeable future deserves a spot on this list.

9. Green Bay: Really, the folks in Green Bay care about one thing. And he’s playing for the bitter enemy at the moment. He’s still hamming it up, having so much fun out there, pointing at his teammates and slinging it around the field. This is like seeing an ex-girlfriend at a strip club … Make that ‘working at a strip club.’

10. Minneapolis: These fans can sympathize with Cleveland fans. Their baseball team has also purged itself of its best players in the last five years. Torii Hunter will be starring for the Angels in the ALCS, and Johan Santana may have a few more Cy Youngs left in him in New York. The entire city’s future sports happiness is linked to whether a hometown hero — in Minnesota’s case, Joe Mauer — will resign at the end of a contract. And to make matters worse, Vikings fans are preparing themselves for an awful Favre interception in January.

5 Comments for “It could be worse, Boston fans”

1. Primo Deano Says:
   October 13th, 2009 at 2:10 pm

   GREAT photo. Hahahaaa!

   I don’t get the “switch teams” every offseason line though. Who’s doing that? Knicks fans? None that I know. That sounds to me like one of those Mets fans that also “likes” the Red Sox, Angels, Rangers and Indians…

   I’ve always liked A-Rod. *blank stare*

2. anguillaman Says:
   October 13th, 2009 at 2:22 pm

   Typical New England thinking it could be worse…of course it can always be worse..who cares. The facts are that the Sox had a better offense, better starting pitching and relief pitching as well as defense over the Angels..unfortunately the Bats went to sleep in game one and two, and Papplebon blew a game and Terry screwed up by leaving Beckett in a little too long and taking Bard out too early, those are the facts..so no it really could not be worse than losing a series that should have been won. Losing to the Yanks would have been easier to swallow.

3. Flossbagger Says:
   October 13th, 2009 at 7:50 pm

   anguillaman,
   LA runs this season was 883 to boston’s 872, hits for LA 1604 to Bostons 1495, and LA batted .285 to Boston’s .270. LA’s ERA was slightly higher (4.45 to 4.35) but they had more saves (51- 41) complete games (9- and shut outs (13- 11). I love the sox, but the better team won.

   Dan, what do you think of Tony Romo?

4. Flossbagger Says:
   October 13th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

   9-8

5. NC Says:
   October 14th, 2009 at 12:56 am

   Anguilla-

   Go easy, buddy. You sound pathetic and you don’t make much sense (New Englanders are known for our optimism?). Go call the whiner line or something.

   The Sox were never going anywhere this year. They were a punchless team against good competition. They got SWEPT. You can’t make any argument that they were the better team. Your armchair managing and hindsight-fueled nitpicking can’t change that.

Leave a Reply