Who makes the list this week?

If you’ve pissed me off in any way over the course of the last week, you will find your name below. It’s the return of the Most Wanted List.

1. Fox’s All-Star Game cameramen: Here’s an idea for aspiring cameramen who are looking to film action sports. If the President of the United States makes an appearance at a sporting event, and he does something crazy like throw out a first pitch, go ahead and film that pitch in its entirety. How did they screw this up last night? We saw Obama step up to the mound. We saw him wind up. Then he surprised us by shifting to throw left-handed. Then he looked like he had a similar arm to a backup second baseman in a co-ed adult softball league. And then the camera gave us a close-up of Obama’s reaction while the ball was in the air. Apparently, it barely made it to the plate, and Albert Pujols saved it from hitting the ground. But nice job by Fox. There wasn’t one person who was wondering if we’d see the Obama who apparently balls out on the basketball floor, or the Obama who bowls in the 30s.

2. People who call in sick to work and return with a tan. I’m getting more and more jealous with age. My new favorite employee is the person who calls out sick on Friday, returns with a tan on Monday, forgets they called in sick on Friday, and shares how much he/she partied all weekend with everyone in the office. Those people are what I like to call career-climbers.

3. The sailors on the tall ships. The tall ships came to Boston last week, and it was amazing how many people tried to talk themselves into being interested. “Oh, I’ve always wanted to stare at 300-year-old huge yachts in the Boston Harbor.” And why did the sailors need to flaunt around so much? I’m looking out for the single men in Boston, and my people didn’t stand a chance by week’s end. First, the sailors had Crew and Cadet Night on Wednesday at Cheers in Faneuil Hall. Then they had a Crew and Cadet Soccer Tournament on Thursday at UMass Boston. Then they let Bostonians onto their boats for a Public Tall Ship Boarding on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Here’s a quote from Daniel Moreland, captain of the 180-foot Nova Scotia-based barque Picton Castle, from last Thursday’s Globe. “It’s about the connection with the sea. There’s always been a mystical quality to sailing ships and the sea and the men and women who sail them.”

Thanks for bringing that mystical quality to Boston, Daniel. Now hit the road.

Leave the ladies, fellas.

4. J.P. Ricciardi: That was an awfully nice move of J.P. to go public with his intention to listen to trade offers for Roy Halladay a few days before the All-Star Game. That way, in the midst of one of his best seasons, Halladay was able to go to the All-Star Game and answer questions about getting traded for three days. On behalf of Halladay, thanks, J.P. It would’ve been awful if your ace had to answer questions about his first-half success.

5. Clippers’ management: I had to smile when I heard the Clippers wanted to look Allen Iverson in the eye before signing him — just to get an assurance that he’ll be an ideal employee coming off the bench. Good idea, Donald Sterling. I’d definitely trust your five minute interview over Iverson’s 13-year body of work. Iverson has said throughout his entire career he’s not a backup — he’s a starter. He said it as recently as last season, before the Pistons asked him to stay away since he couldn’t transition into a role player. But Sterling’s right. If Iverson can show up to an interview with sunglasses on, look him in the eyes and say, “Whatever’s best for the team,” he should definitely give him $5.8 million.

6. Harry Potter fans: Think about how ridiculous this paragraph would sound coming out of your mouth. “Hey man, Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince is out. It’s supposed to be an intense cliffhanger for the final movie. We’ll learn new information regarding the world-ending dark lord Voldemart. And we’ll even be introduced to a new character — Professor Horace Slughorn.” See you there.

7. Antoine Walker: The man who has made more than $99 million in the NBA has a warrant out for his arrest due to his failure to pay off a debt totalling $822,500 at three casinos in Vegas. He can’t even pull a Charles Barkley — “This is a misunderstanding” — because he’s paid off part of the debt. So he’s aware that he’s trying to back out without paying. Look, I can understand having trouble parting with more money than you can comfortably afford to lose. We’ve all been there. Chalk it up as an “L”, and see if anyone in the NBA is looking for an overweight, undersized power forward who is in his prime when it comes to wiggling his body fat uncontrollably.

Greater expectations next season

8. Bill Walker and J.R. Giddens: I may be making something out of nothing, but it appeared as if Paul Pierce took a swipe at last year’s rookie class in Marc Spears’ notes column in the Sunday Globe. In addressing why his numbers dropped in the playoffs, Pierce said, “Late into the season and the playoffs, I thought a lot of times we were stuck with playing a lot of minutes because guys were injured. I don’t think it was meant for me to play as many minutes. I was just a victim of circumstance. Tony [Allen] goes out. Our rookies [Bill Walker and J.R. Giddens] are in the D-League, not ready. You’re kind of stuck.’’

Maybe there’s nothing there, but Pierce seems to imply he was expecting Walker and Giddens to be ready, and they weren’t. And I’ve heard Danny Ainge was supposedly disappointed with Giddens’ work ethic all season. Either way, it kind of makes me think twice about promoting Bill Walker as the consummate teammate last season just because he was bouncing around on the bench jubilantly during the playoffs.

9. Bud Selig: I can’t read a sentence about the MLB Commissioner without grimacing due to his incompetence. In his pre-All-Star Game interview yesterday, Selig said he wished he could change the rule so that players who fail drug tests won’t be allowed to play in minor league games during “rehab” stints. Of course, Selig will wait until 2011 — at the end of the contract with the players’ union — before he addresses that issue. So people will disparage the stupid rule for two-and-a-half more seasons. Does David Stern wait to make necessary changes? Of course not. But that’s why Selig is the kind of guy who backs up the line at Dunkin Donuts trying to decide between an onion bagel and a cinnamon crawler.

10. Bucky Fox: This guy is an Angels columnist on the Web site — thecolumnists.com. Anyway, he went on anti-foreigner rant in a recent blog post. Here it goes.

“I’m tired of Angel players who don’t speak English. At least not with a mike in front of them. This Kendry Morales ignoring our language for Spanish the way Vlad does is outrageous. This is an American team with American fans paying them American millions. Learn to speak to us without a Jose Mota dictionary, for crying out loud.”

Here, here, Bucky. I’m with you. And while we’re at it, let’s get all this god damn rice and beans out of the locker room.

One Comments for “Most Wanted List Returns”

1. Sound familiar? Says:
   July 15th, 2009 at 9:48 am

   #2 is right up there with asking to take Marathon Monday off, not getting it off, and then calling in to take a sick day by saying in your most confident, clearly healthy voice – “Hi. I’m sick. I’m going to need today off.” And then showing up with a corner of a hot dog in your pocket and sun poisoning.

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