It’s time to get excited about playoff baseball. So let’s give the football jokes a rest for the day and break into a Yankees vs. Red Sox roast. Just give me a minute to recover from the shock that J.D. Drew actually played in his 130th game last evening. What’s next? Laurence Maroney will flatten a tackling dummy at practice this afternoon?

Terry Francona announced yesterday that it would be unrealistic to expect Tim Wakefield to pitch every five days at this point in the season. And who really thought that would be a reasonable expectation? In the past few years, the only time we see Wakefield this late in the season is when Fox shows a clip of Aaron Boone taking him deep in 2003. Burn.

Time to shut him down

As a special concession for Paul Byrd, Francona allowed Jason Varitek to catch last evening. This marked the first time in Red Sox history the battery consisted of two guys who are too old to stay awake past the sixth inning.

With Nick Green and Jed Lowrie nursing injuries, are the Red Sox scouring the market for .200 hitters who can kick the ball around at shortstop? Thank God for Alex Gonzalez.

My favorite part of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s return to the mound is the fact that he is now throwing his first two warmup pitches from two steps behind the mound. There’s no word if Daisuke also pees from the hallway into the Fenway urinals.

On to the Yankees. Earlier this week, Joe Girardi declared Joba Chamberlain his fourth starter in the playoff rotation. That’s good news for Kevin Youkilis. Should the Red Sox and Yankees meet in the ALCS, Youkilis will be able to play the first three games before developing a baseball-sized bruise in the middle of his back.

After Derek Jeter broke Lou Gehrig’s franchise record for career hits, I read a story in which Jeter was referred to as New York’s King of Swing. Did he earn that nickname before or after Jessica Alba?

Is anyone else surprised the Yankees have lost 19 of their last 23 in Anaheim? I was shocked when I read that. Anaheim seems way too close to the Mexican border for the Yankees to be lacking energy out there.

If I’m Alex Rodriguez, I’m hoping Kate Hudson is hired to play a part in a movie that starts shooting Oct. 1. Otherwise, I’d go ahead and give her Jeter’s cell phone number just to get it over with.

Might get choked up

Word out of New York is that the Yankees are thrilled that Phil Hughes has become their second-best relief pitcher behind Mariano Rivera. And why wouldn’t they be psyched about that? Instead of having Johan Santana, they have Boston’s equivalent to Hideki Okajima.

A columnist in the New York Daily News wrote a column yesterday entitled, “Yankees need Pettitte now more than ever.” That seemed strange considering Pettitte has pitched in five World Series for the Yanks. Hey, if it works, it works. Coming tomorrow: My piece on how the Red Sox need David Ortiz now more than ever.

Finally, A.J. Burnett and Jorge Posada are having some chemistry issues. Burnett recently complained that Posada wasn’t helping him succeed on the mound. Yankees broadcaster Suzyn Waldman ripped into Burnett during a broadcast last month, noting, “Burnett stunk up the joint [the day before, giving up nine runs in Boston's 14-1 win]. He should just stand up and take it like Pettitte would [have].” This coming from a woman who cried when Joe Torre left town.

8 Comments for “A Red Sox vs. Yankees Joke Book”

1. Primo Deano Says:
   September 23rd, 2009 at 11:58 am

   It could be me, but there’s something about the wild card that’s just not as impressive. Congrats to the first team to clench a playoff berth.

2. TheGravy Says:
   September 23rd, 2009 at 1:35 pm

   Dear Cole Hamels,

   I want my hair-do back.

   Yours,

   1992

3. Because I Can Says:
   September 23rd, 2009 at 3:51 pm

   Cole,

   Please let me know when you plan to exit with a man’s voice.

   -Puberty

4. The Hawk Says:
   September 23rd, 2009 at 4:26 pm

   I can’t wait for your column after the Yankees win the whole god damn thing.

5. scot cooper Says:
   September 23rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm

   The Yankees will not win the 2009 World Series. I will get an Orlando Magic Tattoo on my *ss if the Yankees win it all.

6. Clamjam Says:
   September 24th, 2009 at 7:57 pm

   Sick burn. Nice one.

7. Awardwinningeater Says:
   September 24th, 2009 at 8:58 pm

   Don’t mess with Wakefield, Dan.

8. ria Says:
   February 22nd, 2011 at 6:37 am

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