It’s time to go around the horn with a Major League Baseball Joke Book — The Postseason Edition. In all seriousness, if last night’s Twins-Tigers appetizer didn’t get your playoff juices flowing, you might as well pack it in for the rest of October. We’ll find a seat for you next to Alex Rodriguez.

Actually, that’s not fair to A-Rod. We can no longer make jokes about the Yankees slugger coming up short in October. On Sunday, during the Yankees’ 162nd game of the year, after the Bronx Bombers had clinched home-field advantage throughout the postseason, A-Rod rallied to hit hit two home runs and collect seven RBI. He even extended his streak of consecutive seasons with 30 home runs and 100 RBI to 10. So I don’t want to hear another word about this guy caring more for individual stats than October glory.

This is his time.

Technically, A-Rod isn’t stealing Derek Jeter’s title as Mr. October since the Yankees captain has the unofficial title of Mr. November. That may stem from his home run in the wee hours of the morning during the 2001 World Series. Come to think of it, it also may stem from his countless home runs off the diamond during what is typically the first month of the offseason.

With the price of tickets at the new Yankee Stadium, this may be the first time ever playoff tickets will be sold by Bronx scalpers for less than face value.

Police found that Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera had a blood-alcohol level of 0.26 early Sunday when they responded to a complaint by his wife. Cabrera was three times over the legal limit the morning of his team’s must-win, regular-season finale against the White Sox. Prior to last night’s game, Cabrera told reporters that his alcohol intake over the weekend didn’t negatively impact his performance. Miguel, I think I can speak for men everywhere when I say that alcohol will absolutely have a negative impact on your performance.

Moving over to the National League, I’ve heard the Cardinals are considering allowing 25 lucky fans into Busch Stadium to have a catch with a player before the opener against the Dodgers. Whoever gets paired up with Rick Ankiel has to stand at the backstop while he throws from the mound. By the way, I still find it remarkable that Ankiel was able to salvage his career after that failed pitching experiment. Who would have thought a player would ever be able to recognize his psychological shortcomings, make a conscious decision to try a new career path, take about 20 cycles of human growth hormone, and morph into an everyday outfielder for a playoff team? He’s an American hero.

For those who aren’t Phillies fans, I’ll share something with you that’s on the minds of Philadelphia sports fans everywhere. We are roughly one week away from another showdown between Brad Lidge and Albert Pujols. The first memorable meeting came when Pujols took Lidge deep in the 2005 NLCS between the Astros and Cardinals. In a related story, we’re also about a week away from that ball finally landing.

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel is still saying he’s comfortable with Lidge as his closer despite his 11 blown saves. Personally, I’d be more comfortable getting a colonoscopy.

After Manny Ramirez‘ subpar season, many fans in Los Angeles are worried the former Sox slugger is going to continue his slump through the postseason. There are many things that should concern Dodgers fans about Manny, but slumping in October is not one of them. If I were a Dodgers fan, I’d be more concerned Manny won’t realize it’s the playoffs since the weather is still warm, he has yet to play in 110 games, and he thinks a series with the Rockies is considered interleague play.

The fact that the Twins made the playoffs while Francisco Liriano toils in the bullpen is the equivalent of one of your buddies picking up Megan Fox with a dump in their pants. I’d say your buddy had no shot either way, but it’s all the more impressive with the added degree of difficulty.

I’m not sure if Mile High Stadium was a homage to the altitude in Denver or a statement about the attitude of the fans. But my favorite part about watching a Rockies game at Coors Field is the two-second delay between a Troy Tulowitzki home run and the actual cheer from the crowd. At first, you think the game is on a delay, but then you realize that’s the crowd’s actual response time.

Phillies pitcher Pedro Martinez will be making his return to the playoffs after a five-year absence. Yes, it’s been five years since he led the Sox to the 2004 World Series title. Consequently, former Yankees heel Karim Garcia also returned to the playoffs this year, playing for a club in South Korea. There’s no way Pedro doesn’t know his resume this time around!

One Comments for “An MLB Postseason Joke Book”

1. john Says:
   October 21st, 2009 at 8:20 am

   The usual sour grapes. What a waste of time.

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